Building Societal pressure : The narcissist Trap

 



In India, narcissists have an abundance of societal norms, traditions, and pressures that they manipulate to keep their victims trapped in abusive relationships. Because family honor, social reputation, gender roles, and religious beliefs are deeply ingrained in Indian society, they create a system where victims feel powerless to leave. Let’s break down how narcissists exploit these factors in detail:

1. "Log Kya Kahenge?" (Fear of Social Judgment)

One of the most powerful tools narcissists use is the fear of what society will say.

  • In Indian culture, personal matters are often treated as public business—neighbors, relatives, and even distant family members feel entitled to give opinions on relationships.
  • A narcissistic spouse (or in-laws) will remind the victim:
    • “What will people think if you leave? No one will respect you.”
    • “Your parents will have to face humiliation because of you.”
    • “Divorced women/men are never fully accepted in society.”
  • This fear keeps many victims silent, making them prioritize societal perception over their own well-being.

2. Gender Roles: "Aurat Ka Kartavya Hai, Bardasht Karna" (A Woman's Duty is to Tolerate)

India’s patriarchal culture strongly enforces the idea that women must be submissive, obedient, and patient in marriage.

  • Many women are raised with the belief that relationship is a lifetime commitment, and it is their duty to adjust, no matter how toxic the relationship is.
  • Narcissistic men exploit this by saying:
    • “A good partner doesn’t leave her husband.”
    • “All women face difficulties in marriage; you are not special.”
    • “Your parents taught you to be a good wife. Don’t disappoint them.

Victims—especially women—often internalize this guilt and feel obligated to stay, even when they are being mentally, emotionally, or physically abused.

3. "Tumhare Rishtedaron Ki Naak Kat Jayegi" (Your Family’s Honor is at Stake)

Relationships in India are not just about two individuals; they involve the entire family.

  • A narcissistic spouse will use this against the victim, saying:
    • “Your parents spent lakhs on events. How can you leave?”
    • “If you leave me, it will ruin your younger sister’s chances of getting married.”
    • “Our families came together for this marriage. If you leave, they will hate you forever.”
  • If the narcissist’s family is also toxic, they will unite to pressure the victim into staying.

Victims are made to feel that their personal happiness is less important than family honor, making them hesitate to leave.

4. Financial Dependence: "Akele Kaise Jeeyogi?" (How Will You Survive Alone?)

Many women in India are financially dependent on their partners due to traditional gender roles.

  • Narcissists use this to trap victims by:
    • Controlling bank accounts, property, and job opportunities.
    • Discouraging victims from working or becoming financially independent.
    • Threatening to leave them without financial support if they try to escape.

Many divorced women in India struggle to find financial stability, which makes victims fear poverty, homelessness, or being a burden on their parents.

5. Using Children as Emotional Blackmail

In Indian culture, children are often seen as the glue that holds a relationship together, even in abusive situations.

  • Narcissists manipulate this by:
    • Saying: “If you leave, the court will take away the children.”
    • Threatening: “I will make sure you never see them again.”
    • Guilt-tripping: “A child needs both parents. Do you want to ruin their life?”

Victims fear losing custody or being judged as bad parents, making them stay in toxic relationships for the sake of their children.

6. Legal & Social Stigma Around Divorce

Even though divorce is legally accepted in India, it is still heavily stigmatized, especially for women.

  • Society blames women for failed marriages, assuming they must have done something wrong.
  • Many families do not accept divorced daughters back home, fearing it will bring shame to the family.
  • Lengthy legal battles discourage victims from filing for divorce.
  • Narcissists manipulate the legal system to delay cases, emotionally and financially draining the victim.

This makes leaving seem like an impossible battle, forcing many victims to stay.

7. Religious & Superstitious Manipulation

Many narcissists use religion and superstition to justify their abusive behavior.

  • They may say:
    • “God will punish you if you break this .”
    • “This is your karma, and you have to accept it.”
  • Some families take victims to priests, gurus, or astrologers instead of supporting them, telling them to perform pujas instead of seeking real help.

This makes victims feel powerless to change their fate.

How to Break Free?

1. Build a Support System

  • Confide in trusted friends, progressive relatives, or support groups.
  • Seek help from women’s NGOs, helplines, and legal aid organizations.

2. Financial Independence

  • Find remote jobs, government schemes, or skill development programs.
  • Save money secretly before making any move.

3. Legal Protection

  • Domestic Violence Act, 2005 protects women from abuse.
  • Section 498A IPC can be used against dowry harassment.
  • Maintenance laws ensure financial support for separated spouses.

4. Therapy & Emotional Healing

  • Seek counseling from professionals or support groups.
  • Educate yourself on narcissistic abuse to recognize manipulation tactics.

Final Thought: You Deserve Freedom & Happiness

Indian society makes it very difficult for victims to leave abusive relationships, but remember:

  • Your safety is more important than "log kya kahenge."
  • You are NOT selfish for choosing your peace over an abusive relationship.
  • You are NOT alone—there are people and organizations willing to help you.


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