Narcissistic Sadism
being very entitled and controlling narcissists have no difficulty stepping all over your personal boundaries ...I mean who wants to hang out with somebody that's constantly trying to figure out how to maintain control over you they have such a selfish attitude toward themselves that whatever needs or feelings or interpretations you have are just summarily dismissed they have this haughty attitude towards you all of that is difficult enough but then when you get to the point in a relationship with a narcissist where they've had enough of you and they are now thinking you have not really done what I want you to do you've not given me the supply that I require or desire from you it's payback time then when they get to that point it can just be an awful experience when narcissists have their sense of woundedness or their sense of disappointment or disillusionment they can turn into a mean person and Beyond and it can be an incredibly difficult experience for you now this is true both with the overt narcissists and the covert narcissist that you kind of expected from the overt narcissist because they can be so Brash and so loud and out there but it gets really disappointing when you realize that that person that didn't necessarily start out seeming terribly narcissistic uh the covert they can come on with a Vengeance and they can come on with a cruelty that that catches you off guard and it's terribly terribly painful now let's take it a little bit further and say that there are some individuals who go into this payback narcissistic mode who are not just mean but they're mean and they actually derive a sense of pleasure from seeing you in pain they actually feel stimulated when they see you writhing in agony this is what we refer to as the sadistic pattern of narcissism sadism is just known for for a person creating the the pain creating a woundedness in the other individual and and not just being harsh but uh but actually taking great Delight in the uh The Strain and the difficulty and the pain and the agony that they generate it's like oh man this this is mine this is my you know way of proving how important I am this is my way of illustrating that I'm the ultimate don't you forget it it's it's beyond pathetic when we see individuals willing to go into that space But I strongly suspect that many of you have had experiences of that effect let me take a quick aside there are some entertainment themes that we have in our world today that absolutely sicken me I mean when I say sick and it's just it just makes me feel awful I mean like these uh fighting uh shows that we have on pay-per-view or television and all where yeah it's just little barely A step above the Gladiators where they're just beating the the holy hell out of one another and you know the only rules are you can't gouge each other in the eyes and you can't kick each other in the groin and anything else is is fair gaming you have all these people just shouting and deriving pleasure from that and it's just like wow it blows me away or some of our movies and television shows that glorify the Psychopaths The Killers uh it's bad enough to have that on the entertainment scene and I think it's gotten worse in years past but then when you take that same mentality and bring it down to the individual level that's when it becomes pretty real when we talk about people who have this sadistic take pleasure raw raw kind of mentality towards inflicting pain there are multiple indicators that we want to watch for now again I mentioned they have the core ingredients of narcissism these sadistic narcissists do but when we say that these individuals are entitled they are very entitled when we say that these individuals as narcissists have low empathy we're talking very low uh empathy when we talk about narcissists having an underdeveloped conscience with sadistic narcissists it's like it doesn't exist the conscience doesn't these individuals have a perverted Twisted ability to rationalize why they should do what they do I mean when you think about it who in the world can justify treating someone in a disdainful painful way and then gloating over it taking Delight in watching that pain unfold all but that's what these individuals can do they don't just lust for power they don't yearn for power they want ultimate power they want ultimate dominance they want your subjugation in the worst sort of way because that elevates them and again they smile as they see it unfolding in addition of course you can see another of the indicators is these people can be terribly calloused and cold-blooded they are unmoved when you say stop it quit it please leave me alone it's like nope hadn't got enough let's keep it going they are major scoreboarders they're score keepers and when they get to the point to where the score is looking like you're too close to winning over them then they're going to come through and it's like I'm going to Pummel you until you go down to zero and it's their way of trying to elevate themselves at your expense they have zero conception for Compassion or love or basic dignity they're in constant payback mode uh everything is as far as they're concerned it's a Tit for Tat you give me this I give you that and if you don't it's going to be curtains for you and then these sadistic individuals operate with a great deal of paranoia uh that in other words they can't trust I remember speaking with one man who's one of the meanest people I've ever spoken to and as I was talking with him I I don't even remember the context but I used the word trust and as soon as I said that word trust I mean his eyes lit up with this uh emblazing sense of meanness and he started pointing his finger at me saying there is nobody in this world to be trusted there is nobody that that you can ever confide in and then he just went on and talked about how life is awful and it's terrible and he revealed to me what was laying behind the scenes and it was not pretty at all that's the way these people think they have a paranoia they have a very low ability for for trust and then of course we can see that they have lots of double standards you exist to take care of me I don't take care of you you exist to fill me up but I'm not about to fill you with anything other than misery so then this leads to the question how does a person get to the point of being so low in the way that they engage with people that they can be sadistic and actually derive a great deal of gratification by someone else's writhing well first we're going to say these individuals had to have been exposed to their own persecution in their developmental years somewhere they receive the message that this is a cold-blooded cruel world they have been harmed a hundred percent guarantee when they get to this level they are damaged goods and now they're basically saying I'm going to be the one now who gets to harm you I win when I damage you worse than I was damaged that's how they think many of them will say nah it wasn't that big of a deal yes it was it's part of their deep deep history likewise we can say they get to this point because they have no good or clean or lasting emotional connections they see relationships if we can even use that word with them in terms of utility only and when they engage with you in a relationship basically what they're saying is I want to have ownership over you and I want to I want to have the final a word and they don't mean it just in in a modest kind of way it's like no I'm in your head and you need to filter everything through me and then when they go into this negativity that's part of their sadism um they have no guilt No Remorse they've been exposed to shaming uh they've been exposed to abuse and so in their minds the the way that you take care of that is you become the one that gives it to the next person and it's just an ongoing progression for them being mean energizes them and I honestly think that there can actually be a biological or inherent uh predisposition that some of these individuals have I mean for example you can have some individuals who are just biologically sweet and pleasant they just they started out that way they continue that way and it stands to reason that you can have the same in reverse so as you're moving forward with these individuals and you realize there's not just a meanness or a cruelty but these individuals actually take great Delight in creating that that cruelty and that meanness and watching you squirm understand you cannot assume whatsoever that this sadistic narcissist can reason with you it's just simply not going to happen they don't have any moral compass they don't have any sense of Ethics to draw upon whenever you attempt to call them out to them that just simply becomes a reason to argue and so don't even go into that space these individuals are not just resistant to change they are highly resistant to change drop that illusion move away when you can and then do so with the least amount of provocation the least amount of of competitiveness because it's bad enough to be in the presence of a hornet's nest and when you're getting away from it you don't want to swat it while you're trying to away because they'll chase you down instead make sure that you allow yourself to become known by appropriate people there is there can be a certain accountability if possible with consequences and stipulations and boundaries in place but uh allow certain safe people to remind you of your core dignity which is the reverse of what they give you and hopefully the brainwashing that you've been exposed to can become minimized this is a tough subject and it's bad enough to know that narcissists can operate with their own attitude of entitlement and and they honestly think that you're Expendable but when you get somebody that takes it across the line and they become sadistic in the way that they derive pleasure from your pain that takes it to a whole different level of Psychopathology so simply put let's understand your pain is not a joke and it's not to be minimized they'll do so but you need to take a extra precaution when you realize this is what you're up against listen to what your pain is saying your pain is saying I need to get rid of what or get away from what's causing this and uh in any equation that involves you uh trying to maintain a sense of reasonableness with this sadistic narcissist let's understand uh if you go into that space and you try to reason with them you're going to lose every time therefore I'm hoping that you can determine when I see that happening .
I am completely removing myself from any competition with this person it's a losing proposition yeah it's kind of a difficult topic uh if you've not already hit the Subscribe button I would encourage you to do so Gus and I will continue to bring more videos in your direction I want you to be educated knowledge is power and the more you're able to understand what you're dealing with the more you can take the the necessary precautions so that you can move on towards what you do deserve which is dignity respect and civility if you haven't hit the Subscribe button I would encourage you to do so likewise there can be a times when you're up against something as difficult as this that you might think I could use some therapy to help me sift this through and get a handle on you know what's going on out there but also how you're going to respond to it inwardly I'm so pleased that we're sponsored by the people at betterhelp.com it's an online therapy service you've heard me talk about it plenty of times before if that's something that you could make use of I would encourage you to go through the link that we have provided for you there's a whole team of licensed professional therapists that can assist you likewise
I also have my my therapeutic courses it's like signing up for an online class is and I've done it specifically for reasons that that you can walk yourself through the change process multiple videos and written documents and guided questions we have Ready Set connect about how to make good connection skills the uh this is me about establishing those boundaries free to be finding yourself despite the narcissist we have my webinars we have our surviving narcissism podcast we have our website with many articles on there my books many resources okay when you when you see yourself engaging with somebody who has this strong sadistic tendency they actually take Delight in seeing you find pain then you're dealing with somebody who's off the charts uh not not good for you uh I'm hoping that you can take care of yourself practice the self-care that's so necessary at a time like this and in doing so I know that it's possible for you to eventually get to that place where you're able to find the peace that you so deserve ...
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